Bound By Silence
by Cardboard Bike
Summary: Raidou's sister returns home broken after being captured on a mission. Genma deals with the pain the same way he always does, and Raidou reaches breaking point.


**There is one line in **_**Hound's Release**_** that talks about Raidou's sister being tortured. It came out of nowhere but it stuck with me, and I wanted to make a fic about that exploring the relationship between a young Raidou+Genma. Akiko means sparkling or bright child.**

**Akiko is ****17, Gen 21 and Rai 23.**

**WARNING for violent m/m sex. **

**o0o**

_The blood was everywhere. It caught in her eyes, her nose, her mouth, drowning her completely, making her gag and cough and spit. She felt dirtier than she had ever been yet she couldn't see herself, couldn't see anything through the red haze. It was at the same time solid and real, thick uncomfortably warm red fluid, and transparent and gauzy._

_There was pain, but she felt detached from it, as though it was happening to someone else. The blood must be mine, she reasoned, but couldn't understand why there was so much she couldn't see, why it was everywhere. She hadn't thought her body could hold so much._

_Suddenly she could see something, and it raised a spark of excitement inside her. Finally, something other than red, that horrible pure red of blood that never stops flowing and never dries. They were hands, the things that she had seen, and she felt she ought to recognise them from somewhere. They were large, rough and calloused and littered with cuts. They reached for her, pulled at her skin, touched her in places she'd kept private all her life._

Akiko screamed. It was a terrible, grating sound, a hoarse gargle that broke down into panting and sobs that raked her entire frame. Her eyes were open but she could still see the red, and now more hands were reaching for her. She thrashed wildly, doing the best she could to avoid contact with those terrible, terrible hands.

Suddenly there was a sharp pinprick of pain in her neck, and the red faded into a fast approaching deep black. Akiko smiled.

**o0o**

Genma stared at his shaking hands. Traitorous hands. They'd started shaking when he'd entered the hospital and refused to stop. He stared at the still form on the hospital bed and wanted to cry, and scream, and kill someone. The fresh white bandages covering the young face and most of her body scared him more than he'd like to admit. She was still young, still innocent, still blushed when he harmlessly flirted with her. Or at least she had been.

He'd hit her with the senbon not to calm her down or ease her pain but so that he wouldn't have to hear or see her terror. He'd done it selfishly, instinctively, before he'd even thought about it. His hands were shaking so much he could have killed her instead of knocking her out, easily. He'd overlooked that in his selfish desire to separate himself from her pain. He didn't want to so much as glance at the reasons he was so afraid. He was shinobi. Shinobi are not meant to be afraid.

Large gentle hands covered his shaking pale ones, pushing small calming waves of chakra through his skin. He felt a surge of relief knowing that Raidou was there. Raidou always knew what to do.

The two men didn't speak, just stood there watching the girl on the bed sleep, following the rise and fall of her breath with their eyes.

**o0o**

Genma thought he'd be prepared for the scream when she woke again but he wasn't. Nothing could have prepared him for it, and he wondered why he hadn't left already. Raidou's large hands were on his arms, soothing, stroking, quieting him. He wanted to scream along with her until his vocal cords wore out and he couldn't any longer. Genma hated with his entire being that he was a shinobi.

He wondered what he would have been if his parents hadn't been ninja and he'd gone to a normal school and not the academy. Probably a dropout. He could have been a porn star, he thought. He liked that idea.

Raidou moved away from him and stood over the bed silently, watching his baby sister slowly adjust. He didn't comment when Genma clutched at his shirt and didn't remove the desperate fingers, simply letting him cling.

Akiko glanced around as fast as she could turn her head. The red was fading but it was slow, and she could still feel the blood permeating her skin. There was a large man standing right beside her and she was afraid, but he wasn't reaching to her like the others had been, which she figured was a good sign.

"Aki-chan," the man said, voice low, rich and smooth. She recognised it and turned her head towards him, blinking the red away from her eyes the best she could. She was feeling a little more confident now, the soft bed underneath her nothing like the rocky cave floor she'd thought she was lying on. Perhaps she was safe? She didn't dare hope.

She struggled to sit up, and a jolt of pain shot up her arm. She whimpered, and didn't recognise her own voice.

"Don't move, Aki-chan," the man said, and reached out to her. She flinched, but all he did was gently fold her arm over her stomach so she was no longer lying on it. It looked twisted, even through the red haze, and she wanted to cry. She wished the man would keep talking, his voice was soothing and helped keep her grounded.

As if he could read her thoughts he started talking again. "You're home. You're safe. You're going to be fine." He was repeating the same things over and over again, but she didn't mind. It was nice. Familiar, somehow. She drifted back to sleep listening to the lilting sound of his voice.

Raidou was afraid. He was supposed to be a big strong ninja and not have emotions but right now he was afraid. Akiko was his baby sister, the last pure thing he had in his life, the only thing that was safe from harm. To see her stretched out on a hospital bed in unbearable pain and drugged up to the point where she couldn't recognise anybody shook the very foundations of his beliefs. If Akiko could be hurt like this, then so could everybody else. He could lose Genma, his mother, his other sisters. He wanted to stop them all from going on missions and keep them locked up safely in the village.

He wanted to break down and just run away for a little while, but the pale form of his sister and the tremor in Genma's fingers reminded him abruptly that he couldn't do that. He was needed.

**o0o**

When Akiko woke for the third time her vision was clearer, but the distant throbbing pain from before was stronger. She turned her head slowly, taking everything in. The white walls, the ceiling that stretched on forever, the white sheets and horrible plastic chairs. She couldn't see herself at all. She was completely covered in bandages.

Her brother was sitting to her left in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs staring blankly at a paper coffee cup with a fitfully snoozing Genma leaning against him. _Raidou,_ she tried to say, but all that came out of her throat was a gargling, troll-like sound. She tried again, _Raidou, Raidou! _and it sounded the same. She started to panic, tears falling from her eyes. _Raidou, what's wrong with me?_

Raidou was now looking at her with an unreadable expression in his eyes, and Genma had jolted awake. She could read the emotion in _his_ eyes as plain as day: horror. The sweet, funny older man who flirted with her and teased her was looking at her like she was a monster. The tears streamed faster from her eyes and she couldn't even lift a hand to wipe them away.

"Aki-chan, don't try to talk," Raidou pleaded with her, reaching out and taking one of her hands in his, stroking it gently.

"Raidou, what's wrong with her?" Genma whispered, standing behind his older friend.

Raidou looked from his best friend to his sister, both begging to understand, pleading to know what was going on. His heart sunk as he knew he wouldn't be able to protect either of them, but he'd still do his best to try. "They cut out her tongue," he said quietly.

Akiko screamed again, and Genma turned green. Raidou did his best to comfort both while holding down his own nausea. A nurse bustled in and shot Akiko full of painkillers, knocking her back out again. Genma vomited. Raidou understood.

He cleaned up his friend with patient hands and led him out of the hospital to a popular bar which he knew would have friends inside. Genma let him, knowing that Raidou always did what was best and knew what he needed. He paused at the door. "Are you coming?"

Raidou shook his head. "I'm going back to watch over Akiko. She needs somebody, and Ma's out on a mission."

"Okay."

Raidou turned to go and Genma watched him unhappily. They both knew what was going to happen tonight, and Genma felt slightly sick in the knowledge that he was hurting his best friend and Raidou was letting him. He shoved the feeling aside almost violently. Raidou had chosen to leave him here. He wasn't going to feel guilty about it. He pushed open the door to the bar and stepped inside.

**o0o**

Genma stared at the two shot glasses in his hand woozily. He blinked, and it morphed back into one. _Probably time to go home,_ he thought. He was mildly disappointed because there hadn't been anyone at the bar suitable for what he'd needed, but he was so pissed now that he'd probably pass out on the floor as soon as he got home anyway. That was a comforting thought.

Raidou would come check on him later on, carry him to bed then tuck him in. Care for him like the mother he never had. It always worked that way. He'd go out, get drunk, get fucked – he never brought anyone home, and he never stayed the night – crawl home, and let Raidou lick his wounds for him.

Even in his alcohol buzzed state he could see that there was something wrong with that. _Rai deserves better,_ his mind slurred, but he couldn't find the strength to ignore his desperate desire for the kind of sex that his best friend hated. He could find a prostitute, he mused, and started giggling uncontrollably. Whoever was sitting beside him – he didn't recognise them, though that might just be the drink misting his vision – shot him a confused glare. He didn't bother trying to make them understand that it was funny because he was looking for a whore who would treat him like a whore.

Genma slipped off the barstool and lurched unsteadily toward the door. _Yes,_ he thought as the cold air from outside hit his face, _I'm definitely going to get laid tonight._

**o0o**

Raidou sat still and silent and as he studied his sister's unmoving face he thought about Genma. Genma with his smiling eyes and teasing voice and his terrible desire to be torn apart by anyone who will accommodate him. He hated it and it hurt him more than he'd ever admit but he also knew he would always go back. No matter what Genma did he'd always be there to pick up the pieces when the younger man fell apart, and he'd always be the strong one. Because he loved him.

He'd never admit that either. Because Genma didn't love, Genma just begged and took and stole from people before they realised what they were giving or what they were doing. Genma counted on him to be stable and supportive when things went pear-shaped like they always did, and if sometimes they fell into bed together well that was just what happened with close friends, right? Raidou knew he'd never be able to provide what Genma wanted and the people that did made him sick.

**o0o**

Genma was muttering to himself as he wobbled down the street. To be honest he wasn't sure where his apartment was from here, but he wasn't ultimately worried. A voice in the back of his head was telling him that no matter what he did Raidou would always be there to make sure he'd make it out alright.

He grinned crookedly. Raidou was such a good friend. Suddenly his face slammed into something hard, and he grabbed onto it to stop himself from tumbling into the gutter. The thing he'd grabbed, he noted with dawning pleasure, was a nicely muscled bare arm. He'd managed to walk straight into an ANBU member. He grinned again at his luck. _Jounins are pretty screwed, but ANBU's are gotta be really fucked up,_ his brain rationalized, forgetting that he was quite possibly in danger.

He ran his hand down the arm it was gripping until he got to the strangers fingers. _Those gloves. _His breath caught. _Oooh, claws._ He trailed a finger to the edge of one then swiped it across, drawing his own blood. Genma sucked the finger in his mouth, smiling happily. The ANBU watched him curiously.

"Shiranui-san," the ANBU said eventually, in a bored, flat tone that sent shivers through Genma, "You should probably get home."

"I was hoping to get something out of tonight before I went home." Genma pouted, and realised for the first time that when he'd jabbed his senbon into Akiko's neck he hadn't bothered to replace it and there'd been nothing in his mouth since then. He felt naked, in a strange way.

The ANBU watched silently as Genma ran his tongue over his lips, a seductive ploy he could pull off even incredibly drunk. "I lost my senbon," he said as morosely as he could. "I need _something_ to put in my mouth." He let his gaze drift downwards, resting on the ANBU's crotch and licking his lips again, this time not completely on purpose.

"Shiranui-san," the ANBU said in the same bored tone, "Are you propositioning me?"

Genma nodded and bowed his head. "If you will take me, ANBU-sama."

"Are you aware," the ANBU drawled, running a clawed fingertip down his jaw and making him shiver, "That ANBU don't play nice?"

"Fuck yes," Genma hissed, unable to contain himself any longer, leaning in to the clawed touch until it broke the skin.

"Good."

He could have sworn that the ANBU smiled behind the painted mask, but he was no longer thinking as his cock was hard and throbbing from the promise and he was being dragged into the bushes.

"Now, Shiranui, off with the clothes."

The ANBU made no move to take off his own clothes, instead staring Genma down with oddly mismatched eyes through the slits of his mask. Genma trembled, only half from excitement, and did as he was asked though obviously not fast enough as he felt claws rip through the back of his shirt and part of his skin as well. He dropped to his knees and whimpered pathetically. He wanted _more._

"What's wrong with you?" the ANBU asked, sardonic amusement in his voice. "Are you a dirty stinking little whore?"

"Yes," Genma breathed, and inched forward, closer to where he could see the bulge in the other man's pants, on the same level as his face. He wanted to suck, to taste, to have his throat fucked and then his ass fucked by this stranger until he blacked out.

The ANBU laughed, and it wasn't nice. "Well you _are_ full of secrets, aren't you." He unzipped his own pants slowly, and dropped them to his knees along with his underwear, then turned his blank mask to Genma's face.

Genma didn't need any more invitation. He was slightly surprised by the fact that the hair the deliciously long and hard cock was nestled in was gray – the ANBU couldn't be all that old, his body was too lean and perfect – but put it to the back of his mind as he sucked the throbbing organ in his mouth. He was good at blow jobs, he'd had lots of practice, but obviously this man wasn't interested in his talent as the ANBU wrapped clawed fingers in his hair to hold his head still and thrust into his mouth hard and fast, almost down his throat. It brought tears to his eyes but god was he turned on by it.

The ANBU didn't make any sound except for panting slightly so Genma wasn't prepared for the other man's orgasm when it came. The masked stranger pulled out of his mouth and came on his face. It was one of the most humiliating and degrading things he'd ever felt, on his knees naked in the dirt with come on his face, and it only served to make him harder. "ANBU-sama," he pleaded, unsure what he was going to say and only knowing that he didn't want this to be the end.

The masked man wiped a gloved finger through the still warm come on his face and held it to his lips. "Suck it," he ordered.

Genma shied away, not wanting to taste leather or have that claw anywhere near his insides. He was a freak, but not that much of a freak. Claws raked down his back at his disobedience. "Suck it," the ANBU hissed, and he did.

So maybe he was that much of a freak because he was still turned on, and excited by the disgusting finger in his mouth and the other hand that was now clutching his bare bottom with the claws digging in. He moaned, half in pain and half in arousal.

Without warning the ANBU tugger his finger out of his mouth and wiped his hand across Genma's startled face, slicing open the skin above his left eye in the process. He then proceeded to lube up his cock with his own come, pumping it a little to make it fully hard again. Genma's mouth went dry.

"On your hands and knees, Shiranui," the ANBU ordered, and Genma fell forward, panting heavily. He could already feel that hard, hot cock inside him and his own dick was begging for release.

The ANBU positioned himself behind him and pushed himself through the tight, unprepared ring of muscles in one quick solid thrust. Genma bit down on his lip, biting through it and tasting blood in order to keep from screaming. He was so highly aroused that the pain just mixed with his sexual need and made him lightheaded. The stranger didn't wait for him to adjust and just kept thrusting, hard, fast movements that rattled him to his core.

A gloved hand stole around his waist and settled on his cock, squeezing and pumping in an erratic rhythm to match the increasingly frantic thrusts. In an embarrassingly short time he came, shooting his seed all over the ground and clenching his hands in the mud as he cried out. He lost his ability to hold himself up properly then, and just dropped his face onto the ground, on the verge of blacking out.

The ANBU continued to pound into his body, heedless, until he reached his second release and spurted into the tight hot chasm. Pulling out and letting go the masked man was surprised when Genma just flopped over onto his side in the dirt. He prodded the special jounin with his foot, carefully tucking himself back into his underwear and pulling up his pants. "Shiranui-san?" No answer. _Fuck._ "Genma?" Genma mumbled something and curled up around himself.

_Oh shit, I didn't hurt him that much, did I? Can I get in trouble for this? He was asking for it. _The young ANBU pushed his mask to the side, trying to think clearly. He'd just been at the wrong place at the wrong time, that was all. Fuck, he hadn't asked for any of this. Although he'd be lying if he said he didn't enjoy it. He raked a hand through his wild hair nervously. He didn't know where Genma lived and there was no way he'd take the man back to his own apartment.

Scowling at the new complication to his night he pulled off one of his gloves and bit his thumb, performing quick hand signs and pushing his hand down in the dirt. A couple of seconds later a little dog sat before him.

"Find out where he lives. Where his scent is most," he said, jerking his bitten thumb towards the unmoving Genma.

The little dog padded over to the special jounin and prodded him with his nose. "What did you do to him Boss?" He wrinkled his nose. "The poor sod stinks of you."

"Nothing," the ANBU hissed, "He asked for it. Just find out where he lives so I can take him back to where he came from."

"Whatever, Boss." The little dog rolled its eyes. "You're disgusting. Your father would never -"

"_Don't_ talk about my father," the ANBU said flatly, his tone threatening. "Just do what you're supposed to do, and track."

He awkwardly pulled Genma's clothes back on as best he could, not bothering to wipe off the dirt or come. He figured it wasn't the first time the older man had done this and he could sort his own shit out in the morning.

"This way," said the little dog finally, and the ANBU slipped his mask back over his face, gathered Genma's form up in his arms and padded silently after his summon.

**o0o**

Raidou yawned and stretched, his shoulders popping. The nurse had come in and told him over an hour ago that Akiko was in a stable condition and wouldn't wake up until at least noon the next day but he wanted to make sure Genma would be home before leaving.

It had been both a good thing and a bad thing when they'd moved in together. It was good because he'd been able to keep an eye on Genma and they'd become closer as friends sharing their everyday lives together. But it was also painful each night when it came time to go to bed and Genma would turn left at the end of the hall and he would turn right. It was a small consolation that Genma never brought anyone home.

He turned from Akiko without speaking, briefly laying a gentle hand across her forehead as a goodbye. It was nearing 2AM, he was tired, and Genma would probably be home soon anyway. He couldn't do anything else for Akiko and while he had no one to look after he fell prey to his own negative emotions. If he hurried home he'd have a messed up Genma he could fix, and the special jounin often slept in his bed after nights like this.

**o0o**

Raidou hadn't been home long before there was a polite knock at the door. He was surprised, and wary. Genma wouldn't knock, he'd just let himself in. And if he was too far gone to open the door he'd be yelling and pounding on it.

He opened the door cautiously and was greeted by an unsmiling ANBU. "This is Shiranui Genma's house, yes?" the ANBU said flatly.

Raidou just nodded.

"Then will you take him?" The ANBU offered up a dirty bundle in his arms, an unconscious Genma.

Raidou's eyes widened. "Of course, ANBU-san."

As soon as Genma had been thrust into his arms the ANBU disappeared with only the faintest cloud of chakra smoke. He stared at the man in his arms and felt his stomach drop. "Oh Gen," he whispered, "What have you done to yourself?"

He put all his feelings aside and carried his best friend to the bathroom, methodically and professionally stripping off his clothes as he went. He wasn't entirely sure he could hold Genma up and wash him at the same time so he opted to run a bath instead of turning on the shower. Neither of them had baths, usually, as the bathroom was most often used on the return from missions and nobody really wants to soak in a tub that's filling up with dirt and blood.

Even so, Raidou had often dreamt about sharing a bath with Genma. Those dreams ended with him waking either uncomfortable or wet and sticky. None of them included a Genma covered in cuts and so out of it he wasn't reacting at all to being manhandled.

He sighed and lifted the younger man into the tub, deciding it would be better if he didn't get in too and rolling up his sleeves. It always upset him when he fixed Genma up, but it wasn't usually this… dirty. Genma had come home with worse wounds, but he was usually conscious and clean enough. Right now he looked like he'd been fucked to the point of blacking out behind a barn somewhere, and that scared Raidou. To be picked up by ANBU – he didn't want to think about that.

He was almost finished his gentle sponging of Genma's body when the other man turned his head slightly, peering out from under heavy eyelids. "Rai?"

Raidou nodded and said as cheerfully as he could manage, "Hello. I thought you were out for the night already."

Genma snorted painfully. "I wish I was." He closed his eyes again and just let himself feel Raidou's fingers running along his body with the sponge. "I'm really sorry, you know," he said quietly. He wanted his brain to shut down again before he said anything remarkably stupid. The alcohol was still messing with his sense of what he should say and what he should keep to himself.

Raidou didn't pause in his work. "You should be," he said with the same fake cheerfulness, "Look what you've done to yourself."

Genma frowned and grabbed at a wrist as it slid over his chest. "Don't do that to me, Rai. I know you better than that."

"Don't do what?" Raidou asked, his smile slipping.

"Pretend you're happy when you're obviously not," Genma said. "I know you hate this. I don't just do this to myself, I also do it to you. I'm sorry."

_Apologising doesn't mean he'll stop_, Raidou thought, quickly stamping any hope he had. "It's alright Gen, I'll always be here when you need me." _Dependable Raidou. Reliable Raidou. Doormat Raidou._

He helped the younger man stand up and climb out of the bath, rubbing him down with a towel. Genma just stood there and watched him, wondering what he'd ever done to deserve such dedication. Raidou smiled at him, and it seemed real this time. "I just want to put something on those cuts, alright? They look like they could get pretty nasty."

Genma leaned forward and kissed him. He loved the taste of Raidou. Raidou was strong, safe, clean and always there when he needed him. He knew he was taking something he didn't deserve but he'd been taking, taking, taking forever and he didn't know how to stop. The soft gasp of surprise that Raidou made when their lips met made it more than worthwhile, whether he deserved it or not.

He pressed his naked body against the older man, craving warmth and comfort and knowing Raidou would be good for both. The guilt hit him when he felt Raidou's length hardening against his thigh. He didn't want sex any more; he'd fixed that craving. And sex with Raidou always made him feel awkward afterwards, because Raidou was just so damn nice and he didn't deserve such attention given to him.

Raidou stepped back almost immediately, embarrassed, and fumbled in the cabinet for a tube which he pressed into Genma's hand. "Put this on them. It should stop them from getting infected."

He then practically ran from the room, shutting the door firmly behind him. Genma stared at the tube in his hand. Raidou had never made him do that for himself before, and he couldn't even reach some parts of his back properly.

**o0o**

Raidou curled up on his side on his bed, drawing his knees up to his chest. If he hadn't been so tired he could have controlled that, but he'd been up all night and dealing with his sister falling apart hadn't made it any easier for him to keep his feelings in check. He sighed and pulled his fingers roughly through his hair. Genma had no idea how sexy he was.

He could feel Genma standing in the doorway, uncertain. _Of course he would be,_ Raidou thought bitterly, _Dependable usable Raidou never turns him away._ But tonight he didn't have the strength to deal with the younger man's games. He kept his face to the wall, his eyes closed.

"Rai?" Genma's voice sounded so very very small. Raidou wanted to block his ears. "I can't do this." He was holding out the tube of cream, Raidou knew. It almost hurt how well he knew Genma, how well he could predict his actions.

He rolled over and sat up, opening his eyes. Genma was still naked and even though he'd guessed he would be – Genma held no shame about his body, and really he had no reason to because it was beautiful – blood started pooling in his groin. He squeezed his eyes shut, averting another disaster by a hair.

"Rai?"

He couldn't say no to that voice. He didn't bother trying to plaster on a smile and simply patted the bed beside him. "Come here."

Genma did, slowly and uncertainly, folding his legs underneath him awkwardly and handing Raidou the tube. Raidou uncapped it and started smearing it over his back in silence. When he was done Genma moved to lie down. Raidou stopped him, shaking his head. "You probably shouldn't sleep here tonight."

Genma bit his lip. "Why not?"

"I just-" Raidou stopped and ran a hand through his hair agitatedly. "Please sleep in your own bed." There was a pleading tinge in his voice and he hated that it was there. He just couldn't handle having an untouchable Genma in his bed. He wanted to stop giving and start taking, but their relationship had been a one-way street for so long he didn't know how. "Just leave."

"You can fuck me, if you want. I don't mind," Genma offered. "You probably need it."

Raidou felt as though he'd been stabbed through the heart with an icicle. He considered taking the little fucker as hard as he could for a second, just to teach him a lesson, and hated himself for it. He would never be able to do it, he knew, and even if he did Genma would get some sort of sick pleasure out of it. His anger drained out of him quickly to be replaced by a hollow, useless feeling. "I don't want your body if you don't want to give it to me."

"But I do want to give it to you," Genma said, confused. "I said you can fuck me."

"You want me to have sex with you to make myself feel better. _You_ don't want to have sex with me," Raidou explained heavily. "If you don't understand the difference then I can't help you, Gen."

"But can I still sleep in your bed?" Genma asked hopefully. He was on the verge of panicking. Raidou wasn't supposed to do this, he was screwing with the routine. For the first time he was scared that Raidou might actually leave him.

"No, Genma," Raidou said firmly. "I just can't. Go sleep in your own bed, or find someone else to sleep with."

"But I want to sleep with _you_," Genma said quietly.

"Genma, look at me," Raidou said. He was going to regret explaining this, he knew, but he was just so damn tired and wanted the younger man out of his room so he could sleep. He knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep with Genma in his bed. "You and I are in a relationship in every sense except for in the physical, which you prefer to go to other people for. You do that part with a stranger then come home and expect me to treat you like a lover when you don't even want to have sex with me. Do you have any idea how that feels?"

"After a moment's staring, Genma protested, "But I did offer you the sex and you said no."

Raidou scowled, grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him to the door. "Get out," he hissed. "Now."

"But I-" Genma found himself alone and cold in the hallway with the door slammed shut behind him and, by the sounds of it, locked. _What did I say?_ He curled up on his own bed on top of the covers, hugging his knees to him. His brain was still slightly fuzzed from the alcohol and he was starting to wish it wasn't. He knew he'd missed something important but he couldn't figure out what it was.

**o0o**

Genma woke up and wished he hadn't. He was freezing, his head was pounding and his butt was aching. And worst of all he had the feeling Raidou wouldn't be coming in to make it all better for him. He shuffled under his blankets and stuffed his head underneath his pillow to block out the sun.

_Raidou._ That's right, Raidou had kicked him out. _Why?_

_Because you're a stupid fool,_ his brain supplied for him. _Well, that makes sense. But why specifically?_ He tried to think back but it hurt his head too much. He had already decided he was better off sleeping, but he couldn't stop thinking about it. What was it that Raidou had said to him? _"You and I are in a relationship in every sense except for the physical."_ Was that really true?

Perhaps it was. They lived together, after all. Ate together, laughed together, watched idiotic sit-coms together. When he found out new gossip Raidou was always the first one he told. When he was upset he came to Raidou, and climbed into his bed for comfort. When he was sick Raidou looked after him, brought him soup, took his temperature and kept him company.

And what did he give Raidou in return? He went out and fucked other people, that's what he did. It suddenly felt a whole lot like cheating, and Genma felt worse than scum. He'd been hurting his best friend for years now. _Best friend? Or is it more than that?_

He enjoyed kissing Raidou, definitely. And when he thought about it he realised he didn't actually kiss anyone else. His one-time partners bit him sometimes, but never on the face and certainly not on the lips. And the only place his lips tended to touch on any of his partners was their genitals. He shuddered, and was suddenly glad Raidou hadn't taken him up on his offer. He wouldn't be surprised to find he had multitudes of diseases, if not from the actual sex then from the wounds inflicted on him.

It wasn't that he disliked sex with Raidou, it was just so at odds with what he was used to. Raidou was so gentle with him, as if he was actually worth something, and it made him uncomfortable. But it was nice, in a way, to feel so cared for.

Genm stumbled out of bed, ignoring his throbbing head, and wandered across to Raidou's room. He didn't know what he was going to say when he got there but he figured he owed him some sort of apology. A large one, considering what an arrogant prick he'd been.

He leaned against the doorframe, defeated. The bed was tightly made and the floor spotless. Raidou was gone. He bit his lip and realised his senbon was missing. _Damn._ He shuffled back to his room to get one and almost sighed with relief as he finally slid the cool metal between his lips. He felt better now, even though his head was still pounding.

"How are you feeling?"

Genma turned. Raidou was standing in the doorway holding out a cup of coffee towards him. He took the proffered cup with his eyes downcast, unable to meet Raidou's gaze. "Thank you," he said quietly.

Raidou shifted his weight onto his other foot. "You should probably put some clothes on."

He hadn't realised he was still naked. "I mean for everything," he said, lifting his gaze to Raidou's face. "I'm a bit of a dick, aren't I?"

Raidou shrugged sheepishly. "It's okay, I didn't mean to go off at you. I was just a little stressed." He ran his fingers through his hair nervously.

"No, it's not." Genma stared down at his coffee, stroking his senbon with his tongue, the familiar weight of it comforting. "Why do you let me use you like that?"

"Use me?" Raidou raised his eyebrows. "Gen, you don't-"

"I do," Genma cut in. "Don't tell me I don't. I was too stupid to see it before… Rai, why didn't you tell me I was hurting you?"

Raidou focussed on his feet. "You needed me to be there so I was."

"You don't have to be so selfless," Genma snapped. "I'm not so pathetic I can't handle the fact that I was being an asshole to you. Why didn't you _tell_ me?"

Raidou looked into his eyes and Genma was stunned to see that the older man was smiling, albeit sadly. "You don't have to return my feelings, Gen. I like helping you and being close to you. It's enough because it has to be. Last night I was just worried about Akiko and I lost control a little."

"Goddammit Rai." Genma wanted to cry. He set the cup down on his dresser and wrapped his arms around the older man's neck. "I'm sorry."

"Genma, don't!" Raidou shoved him away and Genma stumbled a little before catching himself, his head pounding.

"Why?" he asked, confused. _I guess I don't deserve a hug either. I just thought he needed one._

It took him a while to notice Raidou was blushing, and running his fingers through his hair for what seemed like the hundredth time. "You're _naked,_" Raidou muttered.

_Huh? Oh. The last time I hugged Rai naked I caused problems. Right._ "Do you mind?" Genma asked, smirking even though it hurt his head.

Raidou backed away a step. "Uh, it's not really the best idea." Just seeing Genma naked was putting bad images in his brain. He knew exactly what the senbon specialist touching him would do to his body.

"Why not?" Genma asked, resting his hand lightly on Raidou's clothed hip and stepping closer. Raidou could feel the touch sear through to his skin like fire.

"I might get – excited," he muttered, trying to step back again before realising he was up against the wall.

Genma dipped his thumb into the waistband or Raidou's pants and tugged downwards a little, revealing a smooth hipbone. "Maybe I _want_ to excite you," he drawled, rolling the senbon around with his tongue in what could only be described as a seductive manner.

Raidou flinched and pushed his hand away. "Don't do this Genma. I don't want you to have sex with me just because you feel like you owe me."

Genma frowned. "I wouldn't do that."

"You offered to last night," Raidou pointed out wryly.

"Well, maybe I would," Genma admitted, feeling more of an asshole than before. "But I was thinking this morning and you're right. We are kind of together, like a couple. I wondered if you wanted to give it a go for real."

"I can't hurt you, you know that," Raidou warned.

"I know but," Genma scrounged up all his courage, "I'll try and be normal for you."

Raidou snorted disbelievingly. "Gen, you don't know the meaning of normal."

"Just be a little rough with me," Genma suggested hopefully. "Please?" He stepped forward and rubbed his crotch against the older man's, pushing him against the wall. "I'll do anything you ask of me. I'm very good at following orders."

Raidou shivered involuntarily. He had a good idea of what sort of orders Genma usually followed and he didn't like it, but the long haired man's movements were making his body react without his permission.

"Please Rai?" Genma spat his senbon point first into the wall and swiped his tongue over his top lip slowly. "Take control of me. I'll be very good."

Raidou couldn't think. The object of his desires was grinding against him, naked and hard and offering him dominance. It was driving him crazy. "Alright," he growled, and tackled Genma back down onto the bed, kneeling between his legs. He was trembling, aware on some level that this act of intimacy would be the deciding factor of how Genma would treat him from now on, and afraid that he would be found wanting.

Raidou bent down and kissed him, tongue probing violently and immediately granted entrance. He was tired, he was hurting, Genma was offering, and so he was taking. He swore to himself that he wouldn't feel bad about it this time. He was sick of giving.

Genma's hands clawed at his clothes, pushing his shirt up and his pants down. He'd usually get in trouble for stealing that much control, but Raidou wasn't a normal partner and he wanted, and he wanted _now._ It wasn't quite the same type of want he'd felt the night before with the ANBU, the want of his body begging for release, but more an unlabelled desire that was calling for Raidou specifically to be inside him in whatever way he was granted. He didn't stop to think about this new revelation, just wrapped his hand around Raidou's cock and shuddered when the older man moaned into his mouth.

Raidou's fingers were pressing up against his entrance desperately, but not entering. "Gen," he gasped, "Lube?"

Genma shook his head. He didn't usually use the stuff, so he didn't keep any in his room. "I can't take you without it," Raidou protested, still kissing him ferociously, frantically, hands running up and down his sides like they wanted to touch all of him at once and didn't know where to settle.

"Here." Genma grabbed his hand and pulled the first three fingers into his mouth, sucking and swirling round them with his tongue, covering them in his saliva. "It'll be fine, I've been taken dry before," he said to Raidou's doubtful look.

Raidou knew it to be true, but it didn't make him feel any better about what he was going to do. He didn't enjoy causing his partners pain. _Sorry, Genma._ He reached down and carefully inserted a finger into his lover's entrance, watching Genma's face for any sign of discomfort. Genma just begged him to move faster, and wiggled his hips to try and get the finger deeper inside.

Raidou complied, unable to help himself, quickly working his way up to three fingers. It was had to even get up to that because it seemed Genma had got begging down to a fine art, a thought that gave him chills. "I want you _now_, Rai. No more of this."

Genma was violent and bucking and writhing, impaling himself on Raidou's fingers recklessly. Raidou pulled them out and placed the tip of his cock in front of his partner's entrance, spitting on his hand so there'd be at least a little lubricant. Genma refused to wait and thrust downwards, making both of them gasp as Raidou's thick cock slipped inside.

"Gen," Raidou groaned. He wanted to tell him off for not waiting but couldn't find the words because Genma was moving again, writhing and turning and oh so sexy with his hair clinging to his face and his mouth open in silent pleas for more. "You feel so _good_."

He gave up trying to verbalise anything and instead thrust hard and fast into his twisting partner, loving the sound of skin slapping against skin as they connected. He was acutely aware that this volatile desperate coupling was as close as he'd probably ever get to 'making love' to Genma and he intended to remember every part of it. From the way it felt to be buried inside the velvet of Genma's tight, hot passage to how his hands looked, holding Genma down, to the taste of Genma's wriggling tongue on his lips, in his mouth.

He almost cried as he came, hand furiously pumping Genma's cock, buried as deep as he could get in the man he loved. He almost cried because it was over, and soon the intimacy would be gone and everything would be back to normal. But he didn't, because he was Raidou, and he was strong.

Raidou moved to clean up, but Genma extended an arm lazily and pulled him back onto the bed. "Don't go," he whispered. Raidou felt his heart speed up as Genma kissed him, gently, then moved his sweet mouth in tiny kisses down Raidou's neck and across his chest. _Why are you doing this?_ he wanted to scream, but he was reluctant to break the silence as it might make Genma stop and that was the last thing he wanted.

Genma dropped his head down onto the older man's chest and wrapped his arms around him. _Cuddling? Since when does Gen cuddle?_ He had to admit he liked it though, and he slowly reached around to hug the long haired nin back. "I'm sorry Rai. If I try not to sleep with anyone else, will you always be there for me?"

It wasn't a promise or a declaration of love, but it made Raidou's heart beat faster. Genma knew that he'd always be there for him regardless, and the mere fact that he'd try meant a lot. The kissing and the cuddling had been for him, he realised. Genma was already trying. His dreams hadn't come true but then he'd never expected them to, and this was better than anything he'd thought would realistically happen. It was a volatile start, but it was a beginning none the less.

Raidou stroked Genma's back gently, enjoying the feel of the heated flesh against his rough palm. "You know that I'll always be there for you, no matter what," he whispered. _Because I love you, with all of my heart. _


End file.
